Giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another in the fear of God. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31  “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

God made man–But sandwiches weren’t going to make themselves. So God made  women.  Just a thought!  Wrong attitude guys!

  1. I) GOVERNING TO COVER IN LOVE (Ephesians 5:33) Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
  2. A) The covering of admiration “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25)

1) We identify love like this as: Approval or Admiration is the fruit of sacrifice, which is the main way this communicated. Trust is the natural by product.

  1. B) The covering of honorHusbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” (1 Peter 3:7)

1) The word honor means “to set a high price on.” Covering here means that the husband sets the highest price and most value on the head of his wife.

  1. II) GOVERNING TO COVER THROUGH RESPECT (Eph. 5:33) Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband

A) The covering of the shepherd “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” (John 10:11)

 1) The husband is the shepherd of the family (the original English word was husbandman). A shepherd’s primary job is to guard the door to the sheep so they could rest. His voice, direction, and protection became their safety and livelihood.

2) We must be willing to lay down his life. A good husband commits himself to provide for, protect, and come into relationship with his family.

3) Paul taught that the husband is the head of the home (Eph. 5:23, ­24). When a wife follows her husband as the shepherd of his home, he perceives that as respect.

4) We identify this as: the benefit of Family Commitment

  1. B) The covering of companionship “… the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth… she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.(Mal. 2:14)

1) “She is your partner/companion,” the verse says. Companion refers to a “compatriot in battle,” “a closest associate.” In essence, she is at your side in battle, since the word is used of men who go to war together.

2) Wives, must seek to be at your husband’s side in the things he does. When he sees you side by side with him, he sees this as respecting for his need for friendship.  This is the act of learning to love what each other loves and hate what your partner hates.  We then act in a way that is responsible, honoring and fun, we gain a friend who enjoys doing what we like to do.  Think about Jesus.

3) We identify this as: Recreational Companionship or having a best friend.

  1. C) The covering of affirmation

“to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,” and “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”  (Eph. 5:26; Prov. 31:29)

1) A woman’s “ear gate” is important. Words from your man are capable of bringing you pleasure. We see this in Scripture as the “voice of her beloved” (Song of Sol. 5:2). Speak words of love and commitment and kindness. The ear-gate principle is why words are so vital in keeping romance alive.

2) Face-to-face, intimate communication and affirmation is what is necessary for all relationships to exist.

A distracted, disinterested, and uncommunicative husband drives his wife to fantasy, rejection, and lack of affection.  It’s why Soap Operas and books with hunks on the cover are so popular.

When a husband will take a time out and listen to his wife’s problems without abruptly trying to “fix it,” she will perceive this as love communicated.

3) We identify this as: Conversation coupled with support.

D) The covering of security

“’Who are you?’ he asked. ‘I am your servant Ruth,’ she said. ‘Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer.’” (Ruth 3:9)

1) Ruth asked Boaz to take her under his wing. She wanted him to take his coat and spread it over her. A woman’s deepest need is for “covering,” a sense of security and protection. Homes and vehicles, dealing with emotional intruders, providing financially, and communicating plans all make a woman feel secure in the family’s direction.


2) Guys, discern your wife’s insecurities: new places, new faces, new challenges, finances, directions, etc. God made you to feel less stressed about challenges, or at least to mask your feelings, and when a husband provides security for his wife, she will perceive this as love expressed through protection.

3) We identify this as: Domestic Support

This is what Jesus does with us.  He will never force us into places or ask us to do things that are beyond our ability to have faith for or to believe its possible.

  1. E) The covering of excitement I am my beloved and he is mine; he browses among the lilies… You are beautiful, my darling, as Tirzah, lovely as Jerusalem, majestic as troops with banners. Turn your eyes from me; they overwhelm me… Who is this that appears like the dawn, fair as the moon, bright as the sun, majestic as the stars in procession? (Song of Songs 6:3,4, 10)

1) Men, spontaneity, excitement, and motivation are important to your wife. Use the element of surprise.

2) Be a deliverer for your wife.  Deliver your wife from the laundry, the kids, the kitchen, and the cleaning. Women look forward to something exciting, relaxing, and intimate. You must plan these things to make them happen, and when they do, it will make your wife perceive love in intimacy. “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”

 3) Marriage needs intimacy, and the needs for intimacy are recognized in Scripture. This is why Paul tells husbands to: “fulfill your marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to the husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone, but to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.”  (I Corinthians 7:3-4)

4) We identify this as: oh lala… Intimacy coupled with excitement and intimacy.  Our faith expression of this aspect of marriage is our worship.

  1. C) The covering of silence

“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” (1 Pet. 3:1)

1) “Without words” refers to a wife’s ability to hold her tongue when she feels disrespect or anger rising inside, when your words would become counter-productive to Jesus being seen through you.

2) We can disagree without becoming disagreeable and we can appeal without losing respect. When a wife operates in this spirit (even if the husband is not saved), he perceives her attitude as respect for his opinion.


3) We identify this as: Honesty and Openness

  1. D) The covering of beauty “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (1 Pet. 3:3-4)

1) The outward woman, as well as the inward woman, should communicate respect for her spouse. A wife should be modest and respectful in dress, seeking to attract no one but her husband. Her outward beauty should be obvious to him as she seeks to attract him for life.

2) The wife should minister to her husband’s ego needs. He is visually stimulated, and when a husband sees his wife wanting to fulfill his physical needs, he perceives that as personal respect.

3) We identify this as: Physical Attractiveness

  1. E) The covering of mercy Jesus answered her, ‘If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.’” (John 4:10)

 1) This woman had been married five times and was now living with a man. Satan hates for a woman to be the crowning glory of a husband, so he seeks to bring conflict and confusion. A woman of mercy and purity can reverse this cycle of conflict.

2) Christ represents all that is good in men: compassion, forgiveness, sensitivity. Perhaps your perfectionism has driven your husband away. Your comments may have made him withdraw, the opposite of what you crave. Turn the tide today by intentionally communicating to him, “I respect you! I look up to you and trust you!”

 3) We identify this as: Admiration

 Conclusion: Respect, Love, Submission: three essential components to compatibility. Three components that help us look like Christ.


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